Travelling alone comes with some amazing experiences, most of these I am sure you have all heard before on those not so honest blogs. I am not here to tell you about the beautiful places you will see and how you will find yourself…not unless you’re talking about finding yourself with a vibrator. I am talking about the desire for sex. Any hot-blooded women who tells you she doesn’t need sex is lying to you and probably has a very powerful rabbit at home! So how do you get around this problem when travelling – especially if, like me, you are not really into your local men and don’t like to stick to the tourist traps either . First things first: get yourself a vibrator, it only needs to be small and discrete, waterproof is probably best for those of us that generally stay in dorms (then you can just take it into the shower with you). Secondly, you need to take advantage of the times that you are in those tourist trapped areas.
Which brings me to my recent trip to Koh Phi Phi. Before going any further, I want you to consider that although what I am about to tell you may sound very seedy indeed, I did partake in some touristy activities – although Phi Phi is not the place to go to dive into the deepest authentic Thailand. For those of you that havent been, the island is beautiful – out of this world stunning – but a Thai man did describe it to me as Bangkok on the beach, and that, it pretty much is! The partying is amazing although on the expensive side. The bars sell buckets for 300 baht, when you translate that to English pounds it is only £6 but when you are earning baht everything seems expensive. There are fire shows on the beach outside every bar, no one wears shoes because they will get lost and hell you’re on a beach. Plus the island is so incredibly clean that you don’t get chance to stand on anything before someone steals the rubbish from under you and takes it to somewhere no tourist will ever find for fear of spoiling the illusion of the island. Because that is what it is at the end of the day: an illusion for tourists. You have to remember when visiting Phi Phi that it was only in 2004 that the island was ripped apart by the tsunami. The tourist side was rebuilt the quickest as they needed to make money, but if you look hard enough you can still find evidence of the aftermath in tsunami village. If you can’t picture the island then think Leonardo de Caprico in The Beach and that is pretty much what you would be facing.
Getting dressed up for a night out in Thailand is almost like getting ready for a sexy night in with a beautiful new man. You take ages to decide what to wear, trying to think about the perfect ensemble with the right subtle mix of sexy and casual. Then you move on to the make up, nothing too much, you don’t want him thinking you tried too hard, just a sweep of mascara and slightly smoking come to bed eyes. Finally your on to the hair, this is important, nothing that says effort but enough to know you have washed within the last 12 hours is probably ok. When it comes to shoes, well your staying in right? Do the toe nails in a pretty colour and your away. Yep ready for a night out in Phi Phi.
Ok, being outgoing single ladies we pretty much talk to anyone. First bar we come to is a group of about 7 men with two girls, we think odds our in our favour and we had chatted to them earlier in the day. Although not the best looking bunch, a good laugh and turns out they may even be famous. These gentlemen do come back in the story later but for now we will call them the fighters (that is their jobs).
Left on my own after Miss L and Miss J manage to find some male company I decide to walk up the beach and see what the talent is like in another bar, as I am looking out to sea taking everything in someone comes up behind me. I turn to find stunningly gorgeous man and he comes out with the line, “do you want to fuck tonight?“. What would you have said? I took a hard look up and down his body and said “yes, ok” – the stunned look on his face said it all! Apparently this chat up line has about a 90% chance of failing but it was his line for the night and was sticking to it. I was a little bit in love, the type Miss L describes, just for the night and for no reason at all. We didn’t fuck, not immediately anyway. We spent a considerable amount of time walking up and down the beach looking for more people to try this line on, he got slapped twice and deciding chances were slightly reversed for a good-looking girl it was not wise to go up to an ugly man and attempt this line. Needless to say at that moment in time I could not find anyone else I would rather have sex with than the man egging me on to try out this line. One thing lead to another and the next thing you know I am stood butt naked in the sea as he is yelping, “shit, i have just been stung“. I am the first to admit, at times I can be a little bit heartless, this was one of those times as I stood howling with laughter at the poor, beautiful, well endowed, ripped man whimpering in pain. We retreated quickly and ended up in his non air-conditioned dorm room for some very hot sex in the shower cubicles. Let’s not beat around the bush, there were no cuddles, no deep and meaningful words as we held each other. This is the real world. As we were walking back to join the party we talked about how you cannot be a prude whilst travelling alone, you have to take what comes and he said he respected me for these opinions. But who am I kidding? He just got his end away and would have said anything. The nice thing was, we both knew exactly where we stood, no mind games. I think that sometimes you can meet someone and it doesn’t seem to matter about the bullshit lies you can just say it how it is.
We did the polite thing, shared a drink and a slice of pizza, found our friends and parted ways. Miss L and I moved onto a new bar looking to find our group – a.k.a moving on to the next encounter. Just as Miss L and I had decided to go home we bumped into the fighters, or one of them at least. Miss J it turns out had pulled one of them! So we headed back to their hotel to find out if she would like rescuing now or was happy. If you are not a single girl you will not understand this but we have to have a get out of jail free card option at least. I can pretty much say that most single female friends will have a form of this. As it turns out, she wasn’t there. The next thing we know, Miss L and I are sat on a bed. We look at each other smile and nod, yes this is about to happen. The fighter walks back into the room and gets into bed with us. I take part in starters but leave Miss L to her main course.
Some would say a strange thing to do between friends but to us it didn’t seem strange at the time and in the morning we just laughed about it. I am glad that we have a friendship that is strong enough to look past all the outside stigmas and crap that comes with sex . Some people may not be shocked to hear that it was not the first time either of us had been in this situation and it probably won’t be the last but that is a whole other story.
All of this in one evening: if it is parties in paradise that you want Phi Phi is the place for you. A phrase we heard a lot was, “Phi Phi has them now“. It is definitely a place you could lose weeks, but I’m not sure I could handle it all the time. After all, it is not real Thailand but is a damn good escape, an amazing party and lots of incredibly hot men all looking for the same thing.