Tag Archives: one night stand

First Date Sex?

First Date Sex?

With reference to my last post on being Girlfriend Material, I kind of want to know whether people do believe the no-sex game works. Like I said, I’ve tried the three, five and even seven date rule and am pretty sure it doesn’t – but maybe I just tried it with men who were broken anyway?

What do you think? Can you have sex on the first date and still make a relationship work?

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The 5am Pull

The 5am Pull

It is safe to say that the days where boy meets girl, they date or court as my Nan would say and then fall madly in love before even considering indulging in the act of sex have well and truly seen their day. Whether or not you think this is a shame is kind of irrelevant as I have discovered. A friend of mine kept her virginity for years, refusing to be the ‘average’ modern woman, wanting to hold on to what is hers until she met that special someone. She prided herself on this decision greatly and everyone in school knew about her choice. She felt she was somewhat better respected for this choice. The guys in our schools take on it was, ‘we are not able to have sex so why do we care?‘. Majority always rules I guess.

Nowadays it seems there is no dating period as my Nan would know it. Its more of a case of boy meets girl and has sex with them, sometimes before they even know their name. I guess we have become more open to the act of sex and waste no time with getting it underway. We all have needs right? Especially when travelling. Miss L describes beautifully the rare case when you connect with a one night stand. The 5am pull differs from this. When you are constantly forming ‘three day friendships’ it’s hard to build a connection with someone. So you prey in on what you can, and sometimes quite desperately as I recently discovered.

We were out in the diversity and hustle of Koh San Road. A place that is unimaginable, seeing is believing there. Street acts which include beat boxers and of course the tuk tuk drivers. We must not miss them off, well actually how can we?  They ask if you would like a tuk tuk 5 times a minute. The smell of food there is enough to make anyone fat and the music booms out of every shanty bar. Dancing on the street with a bottle of beer is perfectly acceptable, along with many other things.

So, I had been away for a few weeks, no sex and no male interaction. Sometimes I crave the thick set arms of a man around me, not because I am in love, just because I think its inbuilt in us to crave the attention and affection of the opposite sex. The talent that night was not what it was a few weeks prior. Not a hottie in sight, actually that is a lie. There were a group of lovely bachelors who eyed us up and moved on. So I spot this well built, tanned male. Brazilian name… wait for it.. Pedro… nope I am not joking. That was his name. He spoke English very well. Did I fancy him as I sat down to try and force down more beer from a long beer tower? No was the answer. But I was kidding myself. Trying to draw more things that I found attractive about him. Ohh he has nice eyes. Yeh he did but was I about to make love to his eyes??? C’mon. Nonetheless, he ended back at my dorm. There he took his hat off, I forgot to mention that didn’t I? Vital information, as when he took his hat off he reminded me of my Mum’s friend’s Spanish pervy boyfriend. It was that moment where I thought this well and truly is a 5am pull. I went through with it, gained satisfaction. Well, we were not really that sexually compatible. The sex was awkward and just did not really do it, probably for either of us. Either way I wanted him to go. I started to fumble with my phone and say, ‘my friends are coming back soon,‘ and like a bolt of lightning from the heavens the door went. The girls. I could not believe it, I hadn’t asked them to come back, they just kind of knew. The numbers were over in the hostel dorm and the owner knew this. He practically frog marched the guy out of the hostel and that was it.

My lesson from all of this: use a vibrator as a 5am pull really is not what its cracked up to be.

Miss J

The Love Stories of a Traveller: The Success Story

The Love Stories of a Traveller: The Success Story

Despite never being in one place for more than a few nights, sometimes we do fall in love – albeit, more often than not, just for a night.  Amongst the hairy, sunburnt and just downright ugly, I’ve often spied a tall, muscular, blonde haired, tanned and just pure beautiful backpacker-esque man on my travels and thought, I wouldn’t mind some of that at all…  Occasionally, it appears that he was thinking exactly the same, and so, a transient love story unfolds..

This is not as romantic as it sounds.  There are more than a few obstacles that stand in the way.  Number one is approachability and timing.  So, you’ve noticed him.  He’s noticed you.  You’ve noticed him noticing you, and vice versa; you know you’re both appreciative.  But it’s 10am.  You look next to him and spot a backpack.  Pleasetellmehe’sjustarrived, you pray to some unknown wish grantor.  Pleasepleaseplease.  He’s leaving.  Or he’s arriving but you’re leaving.  Or you’re in the middle of Bangkok’s MBK and you’re eyes have met across dozens of people: he’s on an escalator in the distance, and in reality, there’s absolutely no way of talking unless you turn into a crazy stalker.  You’re a little bit in love for about a minute before that ship has sailed away on the sea of no opportunity.

If you manage to pass that hurdle (are able to converse and are both staying in the same city overnight) you then face what is morally a more difficult dilemma.  Now, everyone would agree that travelling is 400%, scrap that, I’m going to say 1000% more fun when you stay in a dorm room, especially as a solo traveller.  If you are travelling alone, the dorm room is where you meet the majority of your three day friends.  And likely to be where you will meet the man of your [insert current location] dreams.

If you haven’t identified what the problem is here, quite frankly, I’m ashamed of you.  You are both staying in a dorm, perhaps with eight other people.  You are ‘in love’ for the night – where do you go to do the deed?!  We’ve all witnessed dorm room sex: the couple two beds down moaning and breathing heavily, everyone else so consciously aware of it but fighting to blot it out as they try to sleep.  It’s not nice, but dorm room sex is sometimes a necessary evil.  Can you really blame them?  Who knows how long they’ve been on the road for.  Sometimes it can be a while, and unless you want your standards to drop to those hairy, sunburnt, ugly men I mentioned earlier, you have to take these opportunities with the beautiful men whenever you can get them..

Of our trio, one will admit to having succumbed to dorm room sex.  And we’re not saying who.  Sometimes, it’s just too hard to resist…

Back to the problems.  Most commonly, the problem is alcohol, of course.  You’re too drunk to feel anything, and he’s too drunk to do anything.  Nothing is more disappointing than the old whisky dick.  If alcohol isn’t causing these prevention problems, then it’s doing the opposite, and (without you realising) putting you closer than you would ever desire to be to those hairy, sunburnt ugly men.

But I don’t want to write about that.  That’s a story for another day.  Once in a while, none of these problems are existent.  So there he is, the tall, muscular man of your dreams wherever you may be.  Completely accessible.  You both know what’s going to happen, but probably haven’t thought through the details.  He’s incredibly hot – it doesn’t matter anymore whether it’s uncomfortable sex on the beach, a quick but passionate session in the hostel showers, or back to that dorm room.  Once in a while, you get the moment where you realise, he’s more than gorgeous, and somehow – it’s got to be fate – you’re not in a dorm room.

This happened to me not long ago.  The successful pull.  Not the 5am beer goggles pull.  Not the completely lost my memory mistake pull.  But the successful pull.  He was so hot I’d sleep with him at home.  As soon as I saw him, I knew that he was going home with me, and I was mentally thanking the universe that the dorm room had been full and I’d been forced to switch to a private room that night – in a hostel where the security wasn’t too stringent.  Of course he came back with me.  We left the bar probably within fifteen minutes of meeting – why waste time?  Travelling can only lead to one night love stories – especially when one of you is deviating from the typical backpacker trail – so you may as well leave early and make the most of your one night of passion.  I can and will drink and drink and drink anytime, and he could have been a model.  I know my priorities.  He kept telling me I was so beautiful, which I normally despise, but absolutely any words could have come out of that mouth and they would have turned me on.  It was a shame I had to be up so early the next morning because I know he wanted to stay, and I would have been quite happy to use that room until the staff forced me to check out.

But, I was forced to check out abnormally early the next day in order to move on.  And though he was amazing, I wasn’t too sad to leave.  The love stories of a traveller: one night love affairs.  The memories of him may pleasure me for a while, until the next real beauty comes along.  The image of him might comfort me and offer me some redemption next time I wake up and realise I’ve made a beer goggles mistake.  But I won’t remember his name for more than a couple of days.  I won’t remember age, his job, or even where he was heading next or had come from.  It’s unlikely I’ll ever remember him as a real person.  These one night successful travelling pulls (without any of the complications) are so transient and rare, that even though it’s a reality, it really is, just like a dream…

Miss L