Toilet Humour

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Hungover and unsure if I want to wee or be sick, I venture into Rome for the toilets in Terminal 21, Bangkok.  I sit down on the toilet, head in hands, when I notice the sign in front of me which details how to use the toilet – stupid me, I thought by the age of 25 I was aware of how to use a toilet – I couldn’t have been more wrong!  I look to my right and there is a control panel.  Being the stupidly inquisitive person I am, I have to press a button.

The next thing I know I’m flying across to the other side of the toilet stall – if that is possible in the ridiculously small space that is a toilet cubicle.  In fits of giggles I rationalise what just happened.  Yes, I just got a squirt of water straight up my bum!

I sit back down and resume playing with the buttons: the next button releases warm scented air, I assume to dry my now wet backside?  There are further buttons to adjust the temperature of the air that warms you up.  The next button says “bidet“.  I have no idea what that means – the other buttons had helpful pictures that gave some idea of what was about to happen!  So, armed with my stupid curiosity again, I pressed it.

Another flying episode and a new wave of giggles later, a warm jet of water had now fired somewhere else (I will leave where to your imagination).  Still in fits of giggles I tried to compose myself, flush the toilet and leave but with all those buttons I couldn’t find the flush!  I left the toilet without getting rid of my business, the lady after me came back out and glared at me, I guess flushing the toilet is a custom that is meant to be observed in Thailand..

I emerged still struggling to catch my breath, Miss L took one look at me and asked what I had been doing.  I tried to explain what had just happened as we stood in a queue for a Starbucks coffee, but still couldn’t get my words out.

The shopping trip continued and I insisted on visiting the toilet on every floor as each was uniquely like the country the level pertained to be.  Also, i wanted to play with the buttons.  I found out that you could heat the toilet seat to a certain temperture and I even found the flush button.  I am convinced that if anyone was following me that day they would think I had serious issues, but with the clothes costing sometimes in excess of 10,000 baht, the toilets seemed like a good experience that wouldnt cost me the world.

Miss D

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